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hey bbs, as i was in Kigali using my boarding pass from Doha to make a crutch for a (beautiful) j that only eye could roll in a group of mere smokers, i realized that this was tru sag rising stonerhood and so here we are now presenting my stoner manifesto, a collection of thoughts from across many highs this year <3 kay
i appreciate marijuana for connecting me with my truth, for introducing me to me body. for forcing me into conversation with my shoulders, and with the area where my neck slopes into my shoulders, this part of me that has carried so much, it’s been unfair. thanks to weed i can see, feel, clearly, what is unfair. with pot i can sit in that for a spell, a little here and there. it’s been good for me. a lil bud helps me process my grief, even the grief that’s not my own, and helps me to know the difference. this fluffy flower prompts me to ask questions like does living in the moment mean allowing yourself to get distracted, or is that the antithesis? and am i writing this for me or someone else? because that changes things. weed reminds me that that’s ok, because everything changes, and everything’s okay. it’s all out there already happening anyway. everything’s for me, whether i like it or not, i think. a couple puffs helps me remember who i am, brings me to forget all the same. with weed i feel inescapably myself. with weed i can imagine myself as anyone, really. when i’m stoned, my brain sometimes flashes me my fears, writes them on slips of paper, throws them into a hat, tosses them around. weed is tears behind my eyes, a lump in my throat, the ache of hunger in my lower gut. smoking makes music what music is meant to be, smoking has me seeing shadows as glimpses of soul eclipses. weed gives my sacral a microphone, puts little rainbows in my eyes, a giggle in my chest. just a joint and a journal and a candle makes magic. i find it beautiful that when high i can sense the relative speed of my spirit, hear how and where my muscles need to stretch. in an elevated state i realize how long it would take to see something if my brain weren’t so eager to already know what it is. a lil bud helps me to appreciate how far i’ve come, how it’s not me against the world, but me in the world, of the world, with the world, all the time, no matter what. thanks to this soothing, sensationalizing, serendipitous plant, i’m still here. still changing, still listening, still laughing, still snacking, still fucking, here.
https://kaydarling.substack.com/embed
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